Life changes in dramatic and mysterious ways, always.
In March, we had all three of our teenage boys living in our home. After a rather dramatic argument with one, they moved out and into their own apartment. Time has healed most of the wounds from their dramatic mass exodus, but not all. I'm not going to talk about that here, because it's personal and I'd like to eventually say what it is I want to say to them personally, individually.
In April, my husband was able to help get the oldest a job at his then-employer. It's a good job, in the warehouse, at a local-ish (about an hour away) plant. It's something he can grow with, earn enough money to pay for his school, and have a stable income that's very high for his age and work history. He hates it. Not just slightly dislikes it. Absolutely hates it. We also helped him buy a new-to-him car when his was totalled in an accident in May. They couldn't get him financed, and took back possession of his vehicle, leaving him with a little over half of his original down payment. He has not been to work in a week, if I'm understanding correctly. I'm at a point where I'm not even sure how to help him. I'm making sure he knows the door is always open, and I'm willing to answer any questions he has, but he hasn't been asking for help. My unsolicited input into the decisions he's making tends to extend the time between our talks (I don't think he likes that I'm a little critical of his choices). So at the moment, I'm just kind of waiting to hear something from him.
The middle one of the three teens (19) was released from his restaurant job for not calling in sick early enough. He's had trouble finding another job in our town, and was arguing a lot with his older brother. He has decided to move back to Corpus, to live closer to his girlfriend, and his dad, and his former stepmother was able to help him get a job at a dealership in Corpus. Yeah!!! He has dreams of being a mechanic, so this is great news! Although our relationship isn't as fragile as with his older brother, he's also not very responsive, so I hear from him once every couple of weeks to check in.
The youngest of the three graduated from high school in June. It was a nail-biter. In the time he lived with us, he rarely missed classes and was an A-B student. Once he moved out, he missed so many classes that he had to be put on special "credit recovery" status, and make up classes and work. We did not know for sure that he would graduate (on June 3rd) until June 1st at approximately 2pm. He has kept his restaurant job, although he is looking at other options now that he's graduated from high school.
My daughter is recently divorced (just this week, and is waiting on the signed copy of her divorce decree). In March, she moved to The Woodlands (where she was born, and where we believed we would be moving near) for a fresh start. She has had trouble finding a job, despite her TWO associates degrees, but is continuing her college classes, and I have no doubt will find something soon. Her daughters are adjusting well, love their new apartment and the oldest, her new school. It's summer now, and they're loving the pool as well as all of the trees. :) I miss seeing them as often as I used to, now being so far away and having to split the time they come down here with their dad. But I'm happy that they're moving onward and upward.
The twins had a successful school year, both earning As and Bs in pre-AP classes, and are currently enjoying their summer freedoms. They're excited to be going into the seventh grade, and although they miss having their brothers at home sometimes, they are adjusting well to the four-person family with surprising speed.
As for my husband and I, we have had some difficulty with some financial issues that reared their head from over 10 years ago, but are taking steps to work through those. It's a long road, and one that meant we would need to stay here for another year before moving as we had planned. As synchronicity would have it, the same week we made that decision, I received yet another call from a friend that had been trying to hire me on with her company for over a year. I sent her my resume for the sixth (or was it seventh?) time, honestly not sure that I would hear back. Within just a few days, I met with the regional manager and was hired. In the field I have come to know, love and hate (as most do who have worked in the oilfield), but in a completely new direction.
As you may know, I have been an Office Manager for years now. My background is in bookkeeping, marketing, human resources, dispatch, and other logistics areas. Over the last 10 years, I have been in every facet of this oilfield business from seismic exploration and mineral and physical leasing to manufacturing of the productions equipment (separators and more) to specialty chemicals to trucking and transportation. I love the variety of that job, and the skills I have learned. But I always hated being chained to the desk, so to speak.
I wanted to be out in the field, seeing people, helping make things happen. I wasn't sure if the solution was safety or sales, but I knew that I wanted my next job to be in one of those areas. Essentially, when you break it all down, I'm a problem solver, a relationship builder. I studied safety and adult education - anything I could get my hands on - during my layoff period. But I stopped short of spending money on safety certification because I wasn't sure which direction I would go in. I studied relationship management, sales management - building pipelines, making contact, providing solutions to problems, documentation of the relationship and steps from first contact to close. I also studied in great detail the consultative sales approach. This is what I'd been doing for years. Have a problem? Here are some options to solve those problems. There is no "hard sales" or "hard close" (what I'm not very good at). Just a problem and single or multiple solutions. As I studied, I got more excited that this was the direction I am meant to go in. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I have the "gift of gab". I enjoy meeting people, talking to them, learning what they need. I enjoy providing solutions to their problems. This was the consultative sales approach. Long before I had a name for it, I used it in my own freelance business.
So, my friend was able this time to make it work. The job started out as a part-time offering in the sales department (outside sales - getting tickets signed) three days/week. It would be more than I was being paid by the unemployment office, but considerably less (almost half) of what I'd been making the last year or so. As the oilfield is very fluid, and companies that have survived this downturn have also learned to be very fluid, the job position changed before I was hired, and I was hired on full-time at only about 15% less than I was earning before my layoff, but I would get a company truck (which at a commute of approximately 42 miles each way, per day would offset the earnings lost). I would spend 3 days/week in the field and 2 days/week working in the office. It's also changed several times since, as there have been changes with other employees. The company hasn't been sure of where to put me - both safety and sales have been considered, as well as a combination of those. I'm about 6 weeks in, and I'm currently working in the field 3 days/week, in the office 2 - split between assisting the Office Manager/Controller and doing administrative work in the safety department. It currently appears that at the end of this month, I'll be in the field full-time in sales, both getting tickets signed and making cold calls to increase our customer share. I may still help out with safety, but probably in increments that can be measured in an hour or two here, an hour or two there, not on a 2 day/week basis.
I'm still writing, although not regularly. And my photography has taken a back seat as well. I'm kind of hoping that once I settle into the new job well, I'll get back to both in a more regular form. I have started to work out again, and eat a little healthier. So there's that. :)
The day before I started my new job, my husband made the move from his previous employer to a family-owned machine shop, in charge of the maintenance of their machines. One that happens to be owned by some of MY extended family. :) He's enjoying his job and his time there, and some of the possibilities that they have suggested for the future.
I think that I have learned - finally - to not try to predict what the future will hold for us. Instead, we are doing the best we can to plan for anything the future may hold (good and bad), and to enjoy what we have right now.
We are a large blended family, and a dream of traveling in an RV, homeschooling our children and spending time with all of our family, both East Coast and Central US. This blog is intended to chronicle our steps to that dream.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
And the changes go on...
So, here we are again. I got laid off from my job just before the one year mark. I love the company I worked for, loved the people there. But the oilfield market is volatile right now, and it was my turn to get the axe, so to speak. It's a struggle, and I wish the best for everyone there. But I'm ready to move on to other pastures. I've worked for the same company, with a small year-long break, for almost five years. It's time to explore other opportunities.
Today is Thanksgiving Day. There's so much that I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, a husband that supports his family (now solely). I'm thankful to have parents that have supported and guided me through so many transitions in my life. I'm thankful for extended family that took the sting out of getting laid off, spending time with them is always amazingly good for me. I'm thankful that I've got an opportunity to clear my head, decide what I really want out of life, and make a plan to get there. I'm thankful that I have friends - old friends and new friends - that are there for me as much as I've been there for them, and are willing to bounce ideas with me as I go through this yet again.
I am also thankful that I am relatively healthy, and I have skills and talents that are in demand. I will go through my tough times, but I always land on my feet at some point. So now, I have a little time to really consider what I want my next step to be. I have time, through the holidays, to spend time with my family, attend school plays and programs, and keep on keeping on.
I've always loved writing, and photography. I've been in business my entire adult life, so I will always prepare to have a job/career in the business sector. But at the same time, I have time to think about whether that's what I want to do or not. As for photography, I love landscape photography: country scenes, sunrises and sunsets, beach scenes, and more. I also love portraiture, but I've really decided that in the portraiture sector, what I enjoy is composite portraiture, with an element of magic and/or mystery.
As for writing, I've always loved any type of writing. Non-fiction of all types, fiction (nearly any genre), poetry, lists... seriously, just about anything. So I'll dig out my copy of Stephen King's "On Writing" and my various other books about writing, and maybe (just maybe) this time I'll keep writing, and see where it takes me.
Today is Thanksgiving Day. There's so much that I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, a husband that supports his family (now solely). I'm thankful to have parents that have supported and guided me through so many transitions in my life. I'm thankful for extended family that took the sting out of getting laid off, spending time with them is always amazingly good for me. I'm thankful that I've got an opportunity to clear my head, decide what I really want out of life, and make a plan to get there. I'm thankful that I have friends - old friends and new friends - that are there for me as much as I've been there for them, and are willing to bounce ideas with me as I go through this yet again.
I am also thankful that I am relatively healthy, and I have skills and talents that are in demand. I will go through my tough times, but I always land on my feet at some point. So now, I have a little time to really consider what I want my next step to be. I have time, through the holidays, to spend time with my family, attend school plays and programs, and keep on keeping on.
I've always loved writing, and photography. I've been in business my entire adult life, so I will always prepare to have a job/career in the business sector. But at the same time, I have time to think about whether that's what I want to do or not. As for photography, I love landscape photography: country scenes, sunrises and sunsets, beach scenes, and more. I also love portraiture, but I've really decided that in the portraiture sector, what I enjoy is composite portraiture, with an element of magic and/or mystery.
As for writing, I've always loved any type of writing. Non-fiction of all types, fiction (nearly any genre), poetry, lists... seriously, just about anything. So I'll dig out my copy of Stephen King's "On Writing" and my various other books about writing, and maybe (just maybe) this time I'll keep writing, and see where it takes me.
Monday, November 28, 2016
Going home
Actually, the tune that plays in my head when I think of it is Ozzy's "Mama I'm Coming Home"...
I left the area I call home (The Woodlands/Spring/Conroe) when I was 23, in 1995. I moved to Dallas, and to the suburbs in 1995. Then Jacksonville, Florida in 1997. Back to Dallas, Allen, then Anna in 2000. We closed our business and moved to South Texas (Ganado, then Victoria) in December 2006 to live near my grandparents. One passed in 2009, the other in 2011. We've been through the ups and downs of the oilfield, and I'm tired. Tired of living in a not-quite-big-city and tired of being so far from what I consider my home. So, we're headed back to north Houston. Spring, The Woodlands, Conroe... maybe Willis, as I'm a country girl at heart. Back to the realities of traffic and a 24/7 lifestyle. And I'm anxious and impatient to get started.
With us, things can never go smoothly. We are being sued by our neighbors (about a mile away) because they are accusing our dogs of attacking theirs. One dog is 10 years old, and was a former "ward dog" at a veterinary clinic. She gets along with all kinds of animals. I just don't see it. The other dog is a German Shepherd (the dog they're accused of attacking is a German Shepherd, right about the same age), just over a year old. And he's currently curled up in an almost fetal position in front of the TV. He's one of the sweetest and most spoiled dogs I know. Not saying they couldn't have done this. My boys swear up and down there's no possible way. But I also realize that IF they were at the neighbor's house - IF it was even them (we haven't seen the footage from the cameras yet) - it's possible that what started out as playing rough turned into a fight. I've tried to explain that to my children, just like how they start out play-fighting, it can turn into a real fight when one throws a punch too hard, or something like that. What I can't get over is this entire family. The only contact we've had with them for years has been A) to get money from us for the maintenance of the road, and B) to tell them to stop harassing us (repeatedly). The stories I could tell about this family... and maybe at some point I will, but right now, it still pisses me off too much to even think about. But we'll leave it up to the courts. I feel that our justice system is entirely too flawed, so I don't have a lot of faith in it, but I'm more willing to go before a judge to try to get a fair outcome than these people... So that's where we are there.
We had already talked a few times about the possibility of moving. My job reduced my hours back in February. It's difficult in this economy to find full-time work with a salary that is close to what I'm used to making. That's everywhere, to some degree. But so much of this area is completely dependent upon the oilfield. My husband travels with his job typically. Over the past 5 years, he's worked in Wyoming, Louisiana, the panhandle of Texas, West Texas. His nearest jobs were in Corpus - still over an hour away. So there's really no reason for us to be in Victoria. It would actually be easier for him to fly home on his days off (if he's in another state) from wherever he may be (he's currently looking at a job in Enid, OK). So... that combined with the nightmare family down the street... we made the decision to move to be closer to my parents. We've never lived very close to them. We met in Jacksonville, FL when they were still traveling. We moved to Dallas when they were still traveling. They moved to this area to run an RV park while we lived in Dallas. They moved to Mexia. We moved down here. They moved to Conroe, and we've still been here. So I'm excited. The kids are torn. They like Victoria, and it's where they've spent the last 8 years. Since my twins are coming up on 12, this area is all they remember. This has been their home. So they're a little sad to say goodbye, but also excited about the opportunities that a newer, bigger city offers. And they're excited to be close enough for Nanna and Pops to be able to see more of their games, hoping to have sleepovers, bike rides, go fishing. :)
I left the area I call home (The Woodlands/Spring/Conroe) when I was 23, in 1995. I moved to Dallas, and to the suburbs in 1995. Then Jacksonville, Florida in 1997. Back to Dallas, Allen, then Anna in 2000. We closed our business and moved to South Texas (Ganado, then Victoria) in December 2006 to live near my grandparents. One passed in 2009, the other in 2011. We've been through the ups and downs of the oilfield, and I'm tired. Tired of living in a not-quite-big-city and tired of being so far from what I consider my home. So, we're headed back to north Houston. Spring, The Woodlands, Conroe... maybe Willis, as I'm a country girl at heart. Back to the realities of traffic and a 24/7 lifestyle. And I'm anxious and impatient to get started.
With us, things can never go smoothly. We are being sued by our neighbors (about a mile away) because they are accusing our dogs of attacking theirs. One dog is 10 years old, and was a former "ward dog" at a veterinary clinic. She gets along with all kinds of animals. I just don't see it. The other dog is a German Shepherd (the dog they're accused of attacking is a German Shepherd, right about the same age), just over a year old. And he's currently curled up in an almost fetal position in front of the TV. He's one of the sweetest and most spoiled dogs I know. Not saying they couldn't have done this. My boys swear up and down there's no possible way. But I also realize that IF they were at the neighbor's house - IF it was even them (we haven't seen the footage from the cameras yet) - it's possible that what started out as playing rough turned into a fight. I've tried to explain that to my children, just like how they start out play-fighting, it can turn into a real fight when one throws a punch too hard, or something like that. What I can't get over is this entire family. The only contact we've had with them for years has been A) to get money from us for the maintenance of the road, and B) to tell them to stop harassing us (repeatedly). The stories I could tell about this family... and maybe at some point I will, but right now, it still pisses me off too much to even think about. But we'll leave it up to the courts. I feel that our justice system is entirely too flawed, so I don't have a lot of faith in it, but I'm more willing to go before a judge to try to get a fair outcome than these people... So that's where we are there.
We had already talked a few times about the possibility of moving. My job reduced my hours back in February. It's difficult in this economy to find full-time work with a salary that is close to what I'm used to making. That's everywhere, to some degree. But so much of this area is completely dependent upon the oilfield. My husband travels with his job typically. Over the past 5 years, he's worked in Wyoming, Louisiana, the panhandle of Texas, West Texas. His nearest jobs were in Corpus - still over an hour away. So there's really no reason for us to be in Victoria. It would actually be easier for him to fly home on his days off (if he's in another state) from wherever he may be (he's currently looking at a job in Enid, OK). So... that combined with the nightmare family down the street... we made the decision to move to be closer to my parents. We've never lived very close to them. We met in Jacksonville, FL when they were still traveling. We moved to Dallas when they were still traveling. They moved to this area to run an RV park while we lived in Dallas. They moved to Mexia. We moved down here. They moved to Conroe, and we've still been here. So I'm excited. The kids are torn. They like Victoria, and it's where they've spent the last 8 years. Since my twins are coming up on 12, this area is all they remember. This has been their home. So they're a little sad to say goodbye, but also excited about the opportunities that a newer, bigger city offers. And they're excited to be close enough for Nanna and Pops to be able to see more of their games, hoping to have sleepovers, bike rides, go fishing. :)
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Back to Life... Back to Photography...
What??? That's not how the song goes?? Okay, okay...
But I've missed my photography. I hadn't picked up my camera in months, and a close friend asked if I could help out with some Senior Photos for her daughter. From question to completion, I think was 2 days. So no time to prepare with creative ideas, no time to design the shoot. We just had to wing it.
The day was incredibly windy, so I didn't get as many options as I wanted, but she is a beautiful girl, so I hope to be able to work with her again soon. Hope you enjoy!
But I've missed my photography. I hadn't picked up my camera in months, and a close friend asked if I could help out with some Senior Photos for her daughter. From question to completion, I think was 2 days. So no time to prepare with creative ideas, no time to design the shoot. We just had to wing it.
The day was incredibly windy, so I didn't get as many options as I wanted, but she is a beautiful girl, so I hope to be able to work with her again soon. Hope you enjoy!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Plans... why do we make them?
Plans... We make them, break them, change them, cancel them. Then start the whole cycle all over again. Why? Because - at least in this house - the plans never come together as... well, planned. We should just learn to roll with the punches. But alas, that's not us.
So, we've been talking more and more about getting back to our original plans. Maybe later this year. Maybe a year from now. Maybe 7 years from now, when the twins graduate.
But we're back to dreaming of our gypsy life... I long to live in an RV, traveling place to place where the hubby can work, and I can write and photograph my way through the rest of this crazy thing called life. I want to show my littles this great big world... or at least a few thousand square miles of it. Take them to the historical, the beautiful. From sea to shining sea. The deserts, the mountains, the plains, and more.
One is completely fine with it, especially if there's wifi available. The other... not so much. He loves school.
So, we'll see where that goes over the coming months.
So, we've been talking more and more about getting back to our original plans. Maybe later this year. Maybe a year from now. Maybe 7 years from now, when the twins graduate.
But we're back to dreaming of our gypsy life... I long to live in an RV, traveling place to place where the hubby can work, and I can write and photograph my way through the rest of this crazy thing called life. I want to show my littles this great big world... or at least a few thousand square miles of it. Take them to the historical, the beautiful. From sea to shining sea. The deserts, the mountains, the plains, and more.
One is completely fine with it, especially if there's wifi available. The other... not so much. He loves school.
So, we'll see where that goes over the coming months.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Grief... Loss...
ORR
So in October's update, I shared that I had lost a co-worker and friend. I couldn't tell the story then. I'm not sure I can tell it now, but I have to try...
A couple of months before I left the company I'm consulting with now, back in February 2014, we hired a driver. He was about my age (just a few months older than me), very nice guy. We talked several times about many things - he loved to share stories, and I love both the listening and the telling of stories - in those first few months. Through the two years in between, we've run into each other here and there, and exchanged pleasantries. And I've always thought what a genuine, really nice guy. Working back up there again (which I have to admit, feels a little like coming home to me), I've talked to him every day that I'm there. Each week on my first day in, he'd come sit down across from me, and we'd exchange grandbaby pictures. His first grandbaby is just a few months old, and mine are almost 2 and almost 5. So we'd share pictures. We became friends on Facebook, so we could share more pictures. He was a prison guard for 18 years, so we talked about that quite a bit. He's met some interesting characters, and those characters would be featured in his stories. We laughed. A lot.
October 21st wasn't much different. I went into the office and started working on my To Do List. I love lists almost as much as I love stories. My friend left, heading out to location, then was back in very short order. So short that we knew he hadn't made it to location. He was mixing chemical in the yard out back. The girl that I work with there - the one I'm training to do what I used to do - she and I went outside to smoke. Nasty habit, I know, but I've been a smoker for more than 25 years. One of these days I'll kick the habit. But not today. And not that day. So we were outside smoking and chatting with our friend. He had left to go to a location with the driver he had been training, but had been called back. Some other chemicals were needed, and the delivery had to happen today. So the drivers were going two different places. We chatted, like the day was like any other day. We didn't know yet that it wasn't.
In time, both drivers left and headed to their locations. Our friend called to ask a question of the girl I am training, and she was frustrated. She's in her twenties, very cute, petite, and outspoken. She was frustrated, as we were trying to update withholding for employee paychecks with new insurance. So we had to zero out all the "old" insurance withholding amounts, enter the new withholding accounts, and then go into each employee's deductions and enter the correct amount. To make things a little more difficult, we didn't have the correct amount, so we had to go off of the quote, and hope that it wouldn't be too different from that. I was in the process of entering those items, her watching over my shoulder so she could see how I was doing it, when she received a phone call from our friend. He asked her a question, and she answered him. For the life of me, I can't remember what the question was at this point. Then he asked why she sounded frustrated. In a joking manner, she said, "Because I can't figure this shit out. I don't understand this stuff, but Kim does - because Kim's smart, and Kim knows everything - so she's having to do it." I was laughing softly and shaking my head. He sat quietly for a moment, then came back with, "Well, Kim knows that stuff very well, that's true. But I'll bet you're better at drinking beer than she is, so there's that." It was funny. Not something that made me laugh until I cried funny, but funny. And it just showed what a glass half-full kind of guy he was, and how he always tried to make everyone around him smile and feel just a little bit better. Now, I'll admit, the tears fall when I think about those words. I'm happy that's the last conversation they had, so she can remember him always that way. But I'm getting ahead of myself. They ended the conversation. The time - we would check later - was 11:48. It might have been 11:52, because the timestamps on the phones are a few minutes off. One of these days, I'll check the exact time they're off, because 11:48 is burned in my head.
At about noon, we went outside to smoke. The girl I work with was inputting time from the drivers into the timekeeping system. Sometimes they forget to clock in and out, so she always gets with them to get their time when it's payroll processing day. She was entering the corrected time into the system when she got a call. It was 12:06 - again, according to our timestamp on the phone. She answered in the usual manner. She looked flustered, stuttered a time or two, and then just said to the caller, "hang on" and handed the phone to me without a word. Wondering what could have possibly put the look of panic in her eyes, I answered the phone. I can't remember what he said, exactly. I don't remember his name. I'm about 99% sure he told me that he was the Dewitt County Fire Chief. He said there had been an accident, and he needed the MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) information about a chemical that was on one of our trucks. The truck was on it's side, and one of the totes were spilling. I think I'll remember those words forever. They were working to contain it, but he needed any HazMat (Hazardous Material) information I had for him. I asked for the location of the accident, so I could determine which driver, and narrow down the materials on the truck. He told me that the accident was 8 miles from George West. I looked at Lacy for confirmation and repeated George West. She said, "That's (our friend)." Hands shaking, she reached for her phone. "What was on his truck?" I asked her. She said she didn't know. The fire chief said that it was FA-something. I told him I would need to get to my desk to look it up. My co-worker was on the phone.
I went inside to my desk, and looked up the first FA MSDS I could find. We had his BOL (Bill of Lading), but my mind was in response mode, not research mode. It's a foaming agent, non-hazardous, non-placardable. There could potentially be some eye and breathing irritation if you were cleaning it up without the proper PPE. That's it. It's not hazardous. At this point, I finally asked the question that wouldn't quiet in my mind. "The driver has the MSDS book, and should be able to give you the exact concentration of the chemical. Can you tell me if our driver is OK?" Later, I would ask myself why I didn't ask earlier, although my co-worker says I did. The caller's response was that he was not on location. My mind made the connection. George West is nearly 2 hours away. Dewitt County is where the office is located. Why was a fire chief calling from 60+ miles away? And why couldn't our driver have handed them the MSDS information? Just then the fire chief said he had the exact MSDS sheet in front of him, thanked me for my help. I asked again if he could give me any information on our driver. He replied in the negative again.
As soon as I hung up, my co-worker came up to me. "I can't get (him) on the phone." I reassured her that I was sure he was fine. If there's been an accident, and chemical is spilling, then he's talking with the fire department, sheriff, and who knows who all else. Answering his phone is probably the last thing on his mind. I'm sure he's ok.
She called DPS twice, trying to get information. Over the course of about 20 minutes or so, we continued calling everyone we could think of. She notified the Owner of the company, as well as one of our employees (the Owner's brother). He was the closest to the accident scene at 40 minutes away. She set the alarm on her phone for 40 minutes. After so long with no word from him, no answers from the police, I finally started to have trouble concealing my worry. I'm a bit of a worry-wart. I recognize that about myself, and often refuse to worry over something, because the likelihood of it being the worst case scenario that pops into my very active imagination is so minute that I refuse to give worry time to set in. I began trying to call hospitals, clinics. Not knowing the area made that tough. I called DPS again, and the dispatcher told me that she understood our concern, and she had relayed a message to the trooper on scene. She assured me that he would contact me back just as soon as possible. In the meantime, the Owner had called (our friend's) wife. She was on her way. That worried me, as I'd hoped to have some information for her prior to her leaving, but at the same time relieved me. At least we'd be able to check on him now.
I can't remember the time that the call came in. It wasn't the Owner. It wasn't the brother (who arrived on scene first). It wasn't his wife. It was our VP of Operations. He asked if we had heard anything. And I told him yes, at first, thinking that he was asking if we'd heard about the accident. It was the sad tone of his voice that alerted me. I quickly corrected myself, and said "But we haven't received an update. Do you have an update? Is he OK?" He hesitated. It was just long enough that I remember steeling myself for what he was about to say. "It's bad, Kim. It's really bad." I couldn't think of what else to say, so "OK." was my prompt for him to continue. Just then my co-worker came running through the door. She took one look at my face and sat hard in her chair. His words are another that will be etched in my brain forever. "It was a really bad accident." He repeated. "(Our friend) didn't make it." I covered my mouth with my hands, I think I whispered "No." He sat quietly while I assimilated the information. I'm so thankful for that. It's so strange to me, the way you can remember something with absolute clarity. Then just a few seconds later is muddled and blank. I remember discussing exact times, talking about when he called us last. I remember telling him that we got the call at 12:06. That the last time we talked to him was at 11:48. Actually, at first, I couldn't tell him - noon? Just after? I couldn't remember. Then I remembered we had checked it. 11:48. Or 11:52. That damn timestamp. I remember telling him thank you for letting us know, and hanging up the phone. I sat staring at her, my co-worker, my friend. She was already starting to cry.
I cleared my throat. "He said the accident was really bad. He didn't make it."
The words were barely out of my mouth when she began to cry great, heaving sobs. She'd known. Somehow when my brain tried to do the "Everything is going to be OK" thing, hers had known already that everything was not ok. I think I'd known it, too. But my refusal to acknowledge it meant that maybe it wasn't true. But it was. Our friend - the man who had a permanent smile on his face - was gone. In an instant. I thought of his wife, driving down there to check on him, be with him. She didn't know yet. That bothered me on a level I can't explain, even now. She was driving in her car. We couldn't tell her yet, or their children could lose *both* of their parents. She needed to make it there safely before she could be told.
The rest of the day was spent in a blur. I hate crying in front of people. Like hate it enough that I will start to panic before the first tears fall. But that day, I did. Mostly I just sat, blank. Wondering how this could happen. It was an accident. One vehicle. A tire blew, they said. A steer tire. On a heavy duty truck like the Peterbilt, that was enough to end his life. We still have not seen the official report. But it's said that when the tire blew, his rim struck pavement hard. If he turned the wheel to adjust for the force of a blowout (which would be human nature, to correct our course), then likely the momentum of the truck itself caused it to roll, and the chemicals in the back would follow that momentum. We don't know how many times it rolled. We do know the cab is nearly unrecognizable. The truck wasn't on it's side. It rolled. Probably more than once. And chemical was not leaking from a tote. The totes came free of their straps once gravity failed, and the containers themselves spilled onto the roadway, were split open on the pavement. Some of the steel cages looking like they were stomped on by a giant foot. There is anger there that nobody told us what was really going on. But what right do I have to be angry about that? My mind insists that someone should have told us. We were his employers. And more importantly, we were his friends.
And just like that - like extinguishing a flame of a candle - human life is snuffed out. Our fragility is great. And we forget that sometimes. An ordinary day, an everyday occurrence. At the wrong time, wrong place. And a friend is gone.
The brother in all of this. He and I have not always seen eye to eye. Although we treated each other mostly with respect and kindness, there was no love lost. I'd made mistakes, and he's condemned me for them. He's made mistakes, and I'd done the same. Yet on this - one of the worst of days - he was the first of our company, our group of friends, our little family - to arrive on scene. And while the images that he was subjected to must have been horrific, he stayed there. He sat with our employee, driver, friend, holding his hand, until his wife could arrive. He was no longer in that body, he was free from this earth almost instantaneously we are given to understand. But the brother sat and held his hand, until one of his family members could do the same. He comforted his grieving widow as best he could, took her to the funeral home when the time came, and helped her arrange to get him back home. We may not see eye to eye still, but everything has changed in that same blink of an eye. So many times over the last 10 days, I've wanted to just go up and give him a hug. I can't, or don't, because we don't have that kind of friendship. But I want to. Maybe I will. And maybe I'll thank him for doing what was in his heart. And maybe we'll mend some fences. Or maybe that kindness will stay inside of me, forever changing the way I see him, without any outward sign that things are different. I'm less inclined to allow that, but you never know. Human nature is a funny thing.
Our friend will live on in our memories. I'm honored to have known him. And I'll miss him terribly. I am incredibly sad for his widow, his family, the grandson that won't remember just how incredibly loved he was by his grandfather. I'm sad and sorry for our little family at work. Mostly, I'm just sad. Loss is never easy. Unexpected loss is somehow exponentially worse.
So in October's update, I shared that I had lost a co-worker and friend. I couldn't tell the story then. I'm not sure I can tell it now, but I have to try...
A couple of months before I left the company I'm consulting with now, back in February 2014, we hired a driver. He was about my age (just a few months older than me), very nice guy. We talked several times about many things - he loved to share stories, and I love both the listening and the telling of stories - in those first few months. Through the two years in between, we've run into each other here and there, and exchanged pleasantries. And I've always thought what a genuine, really nice guy. Working back up there again (which I have to admit, feels a little like coming home to me), I've talked to him every day that I'm there. Each week on my first day in, he'd come sit down across from me, and we'd exchange grandbaby pictures. His first grandbaby is just a few months old, and mine are almost 2 and almost 5. So we'd share pictures. We became friends on Facebook, so we could share more pictures. He was a prison guard for 18 years, so we talked about that quite a bit. He's met some interesting characters, and those characters would be featured in his stories. We laughed. A lot.
October 21st wasn't much different. I went into the office and started working on my To Do List. I love lists almost as much as I love stories. My friend left, heading out to location, then was back in very short order. So short that we knew he hadn't made it to location. He was mixing chemical in the yard out back. The girl that I work with there - the one I'm training to do what I used to do - she and I went outside to smoke. Nasty habit, I know, but I've been a smoker for more than 25 years. One of these days I'll kick the habit. But not today. And not that day. So we were outside smoking and chatting with our friend. He had left to go to a location with the driver he had been training, but had been called back. Some other chemicals were needed, and the delivery had to happen today. So the drivers were going two different places. We chatted, like the day was like any other day. We didn't know yet that it wasn't.
In time, both drivers left and headed to their locations. Our friend called to ask a question of the girl I am training, and she was frustrated. She's in her twenties, very cute, petite, and outspoken. She was frustrated, as we were trying to update withholding for employee paychecks with new insurance. So we had to zero out all the "old" insurance withholding amounts, enter the new withholding accounts, and then go into each employee's deductions and enter the correct amount. To make things a little more difficult, we didn't have the correct amount, so we had to go off of the quote, and hope that it wouldn't be too different from that. I was in the process of entering those items, her watching over my shoulder so she could see how I was doing it, when she received a phone call from our friend. He asked her a question, and she answered him. For the life of me, I can't remember what the question was at this point. Then he asked why she sounded frustrated. In a joking manner, she said, "Because I can't figure this shit out. I don't understand this stuff, but Kim does - because Kim's smart, and Kim knows everything - so she's having to do it." I was laughing softly and shaking my head. He sat quietly for a moment, then came back with, "Well, Kim knows that stuff very well, that's true. But I'll bet you're better at drinking beer than she is, so there's that." It was funny. Not something that made me laugh until I cried funny, but funny. And it just showed what a glass half-full kind of guy he was, and how he always tried to make everyone around him smile and feel just a little bit better. Now, I'll admit, the tears fall when I think about those words. I'm happy that's the last conversation they had, so she can remember him always that way. But I'm getting ahead of myself. They ended the conversation. The time - we would check later - was 11:48. It might have been 11:52, because the timestamps on the phones are a few minutes off. One of these days, I'll check the exact time they're off, because 11:48 is burned in my head.
At about noon, we went outside to smoke. The girl I work with was inputting time from the drivers into the timekeeping system. Sometimes they forget to clock in and out, so she always gets with them to get their time when it's payroll processing day. She was entering the corrected time into the system when she got a call. It was 12:06 - again, according to our timestamp on the phone. She answered in the usual manner. She looked flustered, stuttered a time or two, and then just said to the caller, "hang on" and handed the phone to me without a word. Wondering what could have possibly put the look of panic in her eyes, I answered the phone. I can't remember what he said, exactly. I don't remember his name. I'm about 99% sure he told me that he was the Dewitt County Fire Chief. He said there had been an accident, and he needed the MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) information about a chemical that was on one of our trucks. The truck was on it's side, and one of the totes were spilling. I think I'll remember those words forever. They were working to contain it, but he needed any HazMat (Hazardous Material) information I had for him. I asked for the location of the accident, so I could determine which driver, and narrow down the materials on the truck. He told me that the accident was 8 miles from George West. I looked at Lacy for confirmation and repeated George West. She said, "That's (our friend)." Hands shaking, she reached for her phone. "What was on his truck?" I asked her. She said she didn't know. The fire chief said that it was FA-something. I told him I would need to get to my desk to look it up. My co-worker was on the phone.
I went inside to my desk, and looked up the first FA MSDS I could find. We had his BOL (Bill of Lading), but my mind was in response mode, not research mode. It's a foaming agent, non-hazardous, non-placardable. There could potentially be some eye and breathing irritation if you were cleaning it up without the proper PPE. That's it. It's not hazardous. At this point, I finally asked the question that wouldn't quiet in my mind. "The driver has the MSDS book, and should be able to give you the exact concentration of the chemical. Can you tell me if our driver is OK?" Later, I would ask myself why I didn't ask earlier, although my co-worker says I did. The caller's response was that he was not on location. My mind made the connection. George West is nearly 2 hours away. Dewitt County is where the office is located. Why was a fire chief calling from 60+ miles away? And why couldn't our driver have handed them the MSDS information? Just then the fire chief said he had the exact MSDS sheet in front of him, thanked me for my help. I asked again if he could give me any information on our driver. He replied in the negative again.
As soon as I hung up, my co-worker came up to me. "I can't get (him) on the phone." I reassured her that I was sure he was fine. If there's been an accident, and chemical is spilling, then he's talking with the fire department, sheriff, and who knows who all else. Answering his phone is probably the last thing on his mind. I'm sure he's ok.
She called DPS twice, trying to get information. Over the course of about 20 minutes or so, we continued calling everyone we could think of. She notified the Owner of the company, as well as one of our employees (the Owner's brother). He was the closest to the accident scene at 40 minutes away. She set the alarm on her phone for 40 minutes. After so long with no word from him, no answers from the police, I finally started to have trouble concealing my worry. I'm a bit of a worry-wart. I recognize that about myself, and often refuse to worry over something, because the likelihood of it being the worst case scenario that pops into my very active imagination is so minute that I refuse to give worry time to set in. I began trying to call hospitals, clinics. Not knowing the area made that tough. I called DPS again, and the dispatcher told me that she understood our concern, and she had relayed a message to the trooper on scene. She assured me that he would contact me back just as soon as possible. In the meantime, the Owner had called (our friend's) wife. She was on her way. That worried me, as I'd hoped to have some information for her prior to her leaving, but at the same time relieved me. At least we'd be able to check on him now.
I can't remember the time that the call came in. It wasn't the Owner. It wasn't the brother (who arrived on scene first). It wasn't his wife. It was our VP of Operations. He asked if we had heard anything. And I told him yes, at first, thinking that he was asking if we'd heard about the accident. It was the sad tone of his voice that alerted me. I quickly corrected myself, and said "But we haven't received an update. Do you have an update? Is he OK?" He hesitated. It was just long enough that I remember steeling myself for what he was about to say. "It's bad, Kim. It's really bad." I couldn't think of what else to say, so "OK." was my prompt for him to continue. Just then my co-worker came running through the door. She took one look at my face and sat hard in her chair. His words are another that will be etched in my brain forever. "It was a really bad accident." He repeated. "(Our friend) didn't make it." I covered my mouth with my hands, I think I whispered "No." He sat quietly while I assimilated the information. I'm so thankful for that. It's so strange to me, the way you can remember something with absolute clarity. Then just a few seconds later is muddled and blank. I remember discussing exact times, talking about when he called us last. I remember telling him that we got the call at 12:06. That the last time we talked to him was at 11:48. Actually, at first, I couldn't tell him - noon? Just after? I couldn't remember. Then I remembered we had checked it. 11:48. Or 11:52. That damn timestamp. I remember telling him thank you for letting us know, and hanging up the phone. I sat staring at her, my co-worker, my friend. She was already starting to cry.
I cleared my throat. "He said the accident was really bad. He didn't make it."
The words were barely out of my mouth when she began to cry great, heaving sobs. She'd known. Somehow when my brain tried to do the "Everything is going to be OK" thing, hers had known already that everything was not ok. I think I'd known it, too. But my refusal to acknowledge it meant that maybe it wasn't true. But it was. Our friend - the man who had a permanent smile on his face - was gone. In an instant. I thought of his wife, driving down there to check on him, be with him. She didn't know yet. That bothered me on a level I can't explain, even now. She was driving in her car. We couldn't tell her yet, or their children could lose *both* of their parents. She needed to make it there safely before she could be told.
The rest of the day was spent in a blur. I hate crying in front of people. Like hate it enough that I will start to panic before the first tears fall. But that day, I did. Mostly I just sat, blank. Wondering how this could happen. It was an accident. One vehicle. A tire blew, they said. A steer tire. On a heavy duty truck like the Peterbilt, that was enough to end his life. We still have not seen the official report. But it's said that when the tire blew, his rim struck pavement hard. If he turned the wheel to adjust for the force of a blowout (which would be human nature, to correct our course), then likely the momentum of the truck itself caused it to roll, and the chemicals in the back would follow that momentum. We don't know how many times it rolled. We do know the cab is nearly unrecognizable. The truck wasn't on it's side. It rolled. Probably more than once. And chemical was not leaking from a tote. The totes came free of their straps once gravity failed, and the containers themselves spilled onto the roadway, were split open on the pavement. Some of the steel cages looking like they were stomped on by a giant foot. There is anger there that nobody told us what was really going on. But what right do I have to be angry about that? My mind insists that someone should have told us. We were his employers. And more importantly, we were his friends.
And just like that - like extinguishing a flame of a candle - human life is snuffed out. Our fragility is great. And we forget that sometimes. An ordinary day, an everyday occurrence. At the wrong time, wrong place. And a friend is gone.
The brother in all of this. He and I have not always seen eye to eye. Although we treated each other mostly with respect and kindness, there was no love lost. I'd made mistakes, and he's condemned me for them. He's made mistakes, and I'd done the same. Yet on this - one of the worst of days - he was the first of our company, our group of friends, our little family - to arrive on scene. And while the images that he was subjected to must have been horrific, he stayed there. He sat with our employee, driver, friend, holding his hand, until his wife could arrive. He was no longer in that body, he was free from this earth almost instantaneously we are given to understand. But the brother sat and held his hand, until one of his family members could do the same. He comforted his grieving widow as best he could, took her to the funeral home when the time came, and helped her arrange to get him back home. We may not see eye to eye still, but everything has changed in that same blink of an eye. So many times over the last 10 days, I've wanted to just go up and give him a hug. I can't, or don't, because we don't have that kind of friendship. But I want to. Maybe I will. And maybe I'll thank him for doing what was in his heart. And maybe we'll mend some fences. Or maybe that kindness will stay inside of me, forever changing the way I see him, without any outward sign that things are different. I'm less inclined to allow that, but you never know. Human nature is a funny thing.
Our friend will live on in our memories. I'm honored to have known him. And I'll miss him terribly. I am incredibly sad for his widow, his family, the grandson that won't remember just how incredibly loved he was by his grandfather. I'm sad and sorry for our little family at work. Mostly, I'm just sad. Loss is never easy. Unexpected loss is somehow exponentially worse.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
October 2015
October 2015 has wound to a close. I didn't even get to see my kids on Halloween! I worked last night, and they were gone before I made it home. I was in bed before they made it home. Hopefully there are pictures. The boys (one at 19 and twins that will be 11 this week) are past the cute costume stages, and into the scary, bloody, gory stage.
School is going good for everyone. Work is going good for my husband and I. Chris was finally able to quit Walmart. He's back to watching the boys for us, and helping with the house. It's really nice to not have to worry about a weekend babysitter for us. For him, it gives him plenty of time (while the twins are in school) to focus on getting his homework done. It's not been without bumps and bruises, but we're still in the first month, so hopefully things will smooth out.
I lost a co-worker and friend last month. I'm not ready to share that story yet. I've written it, but it's still too fresh and heavy on my heart.
I'm waiting for things to smooth out a bit, and get a little easier. I never know if it will or not, as our life is really never smooth or easy. But I could use a bit of a break here.
Hope all is well for everyone out there!
School is going good for everyone. Work is going good for my husband and I. Chris was finally able to quit Walmart. He's back to watching the boys for us, and helping with the house. It's really nice to not have to worry about a weekend babysitter for us. For him, it gives him plenty of time (while the twins are in school) to focus on getting his homework done. It's not been without bumps and bruises, but we're still in the first month, so hopefully things will smooth out.
I lost a co-worker and friend last month. I'm not ready to share that story yet. I've written it, but it's still too fresh and heavy on my heart.
I'm waiting for things to smooth out a bit, and get a little easier. I never know if it will or not, as our life is really never smooth or easy. But I could use a bit of a break here.
Hope all is well for everyone out there!
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